Vayaitzei 5771

Hakarat Hatov:

The mishna avot (5:10) says "There are four Middot in a person:.. the one who says what is mine is yours and what is yours is yours- Chassid. What is mine is mine what is yours is mine- Rasha." When a person believes he deserves nothing, anything he gets is more than he deserves; but when a person thinks he deserves everything no matter how much he has, it is not enough.

In last week's parsha we learned how Esav was supposed to get the brachot from Yitzchak but Yitzchak gave the bracha to Yaakov instead. If one where to ask Esav if his selling of the firstborn was also a selling of the rights to the bracha Esav would have agreed, but since Esav believed he deserved everything there was no reason why he should not get the bracha from Yitzchak.

In this week's parsha Lavan hires Yaakov to work for him. Over the course of the twenty years while Yaakov was working for Lavan the livestock increased greatly. In fact Lavan says (30:27) "...and Hashem blesses me because of you." Yet, even though all of the wealth was because of Yaakov, when Yaakov left with all of the livestock he had gotten from Lavan's deal Lavan had the nerve to say (31:43) "... The daughters are my daughters and the sons are my sons and the sheep are my sheep and everything you see is mine..." This pasuk is very puzzling. Did Yaakov not work fourteen years to get the right to marry Rachel and Leah? Did he not work 20 years for Lavan to deserve the sheep? In fact, Lavan never did any of his own work. Even though Yaakov had done all of the work Lavan still believed that it all truly belongs to him.

The Sforno says "Even if I (Lavan) switched your wages or sent you with nothing I would not be taking anything from you because everything is mine, and with trickery it got to your hands, not in judgement."

Imagine the following scenario: Someone comes to you with $10,000,000, he tells you that you can hold on to the money but in a week you need to give me $3,000,000. Now the week is over and man comes to collect is $3,000,000, would you for even one moment call him a robber? As crazy as this seems, it is exactly what Lavan did. The only way someone can believe that is if they actually think that they deserve everything, and this is exactly was the mishna in avot is talking about. When someone can live with this mentality it is called being a Rasha. It is only someone who knows that he deserves nothing that is able to have hakarat hatov for what he gets.

Rav Brevda says that the concept of Hakarat Hatov comes completely from the neshama. The guf cannot comprehend the idea of thanking someone for an object, why should you thank someone for giving you something that you deserve? It is only someone who knows that he deserves nothing who can be appreciative of what someone does for him.

This is the difference between Yaakov and Lavan. We already saw Lavan's side but now let us see the hakarat hatov of Yaakov. After the dream in the beginning of this week's parsha Yaakov says (28:22) "... and this stone that I placed here as a pillar will be a house of God and everything You give me I will give a tenth to You." Notice the wording of the pasuk "everything You give me" Yaakov does not say 'everything I get' because he knows that anything he gets is really from Hashem. Once you have that mentality then it is clear that you must be thankful for what you get. I heard from Rav Brevda a few times that even though all of the Gedolim he knew were different in everything they did there was one trait that they all did exactly the same, hakarat hatov. If you did even the smallest favor for them they would thank you for all of the things you did for them.

It is only possible to be thankful for what you have if you really believe that you do not deserve it. Once a person thinks that he deserves something he is unable to truly be thankful for someone giving it to him. Not only that but even when a person like this shows appreciation he is only doing it so that the other person would be willing to give to him again. Therefore, when someone who has this mentality is giving this giving is really taking. But, someone who knows he deserves nothing will be giving enough when he is receiving.

Rav Dessler explains in Michtav Ma'Eliyahu that the only true way to love is through giving. The reason for this is because the act of giving is an idea that only exists by the neshama. When a person is giving to another it is forming a connection true love between the two people. But someone who 'loves' on a guf level does not really love the other thing, for example saying you love fish. If you really loved fish you probably would not be eating it, you would bring it back to the ocean and let it live. This form of love is not based on giving it is based on taking. A love based on taking is only skin deep (no pun intended). Once the person has nothing left to give, the love is gone. In this formula all the giving that you do is only so that you can receive more later.

Let us all be zoche to be on the level where all of our taking is giving and with that we can truly know all of the good that Hashem gives us.

Have a great Shabbat!